I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
