I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
NoShamevember. You game?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
