i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
