Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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