i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
