Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
