I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
