What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
