I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
