I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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