I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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