Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
