I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
