Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
