some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
