we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
