She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
