i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
