Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
