There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
They have beer where we have blood.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
