so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
