i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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