The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize