There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
