At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Four minutes until I can fart!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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