She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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