I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize