wanna go halves on a baby?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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