Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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