oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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