i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
