this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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