we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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