Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
