PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize