I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
