Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
