Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
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She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
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Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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