Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
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I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
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When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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