i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize