It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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