Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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