you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
