We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
