Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
