True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
