You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
