giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Rumble strips road head = magical
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
