Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
