so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
