he laminated a picture of his dick.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
