After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
