so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
