Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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