I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
