So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
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Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
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I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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