Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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