just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
