Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
