Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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