A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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