I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
