Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
