3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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