Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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