Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
