sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
