Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
