you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
