talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
